


Thoughts

by innersanctuaries



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M, Season/Series 13 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-06-16 00:27:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15424995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/innersanctuaries/pseuds/innersanctuaries
Summary: It's so easy to get lost in thought.





	Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a while! My brain has been offline for a good while, so I'm sorry for disappearing on you guys like that. 
> 
> I've been super busy lately, so I haven't had much of a chance to do anything. I finally managed to snag a job, even if it's hell embodied. School starts back up in a bit, I just registered for my classes today. Also, constant exhaustion is still a thing. 
> 
> This happened because my dumb ass is whiny and sad and needed to write her feelings. It's a big whatever, at least I got a fic out of it, right?
> 
> Anyway, I hope you guys like it!
> 
> Song inspo is Neon Crimson by The Paper Kites 
> 
> (https://youtu.be/rP1pH7f-0wQ)

Sam thought too much. 

 

 That was what he’d always been told, he thought too much about everything. He lay awake in bed right now, thinking too much. He thought about the feel of his hands on soft skin that should be scarred and bright sun lighting up golden eyes. 

 

 Sam had been thinking even more lately. 

 

 People told him he should get out more to get his mind off of things. They never asked if he wanted to. He thought about a night that started with a shrug and a laugh, diving into bed with a movie and a bowl of popcorn next to his favorite person.

 

 Sam had been told to stop thinking.

 

 Dean told him to stop thinking, so Sam stopped listening. Instead, he thought more. He thought of the warmth and weight of Gabriel sleeping on his chest, snoring like a chainsaw. It had never let him sleep, but now it was too quiet for him to.

 

 Sam hadn’t told anyone, but he wasn’t thinking.

 

 Everyone told him he was, but he knew that was a lie. Sam wasn’t thinking, he was remembering. It was a mess he sometimes wished he could forget, but most of the time, he couldn’t help but to remember. He remembered cutting away string that bound Gabriel’s lips together, only the smallest whimpers escaping him.

 

 Sam and Dean had won, but he was still remembering.

 

 They were supposed to be celebrating, so he did. Sam tried. He couldn’t stop himself from remembering a cocky archangel bounce back from being nearly destroyed. He remembered Gabriel showing up in his room that night, shaking and terrified of the nightmares plaguing him.

 

 Sam tried to stop himself from remembering, and it worked.

 

 Dean decided they’d drop hunting for a while and rest, so they did. Sam stopped remembering and kept himself from living through anything he couldn’t stand to think of. He stopped remembering, but he dreamed of a honey-sweet kiss from a honey-eyed trickster.

 

 Sam dreamed more than he ever had before.

 

 His usual nightmares disappeared, replaced by dreams of his angel. They made him remember the things he didn’t want to. He remembered the look of horror on Gabriel’s face when he realized he wouldn’t be able to save Sam from the vampires.

 

 Sam tried to avoid dreaming.

 

 It was easy for him to stay awake until Dean slipped something into his coffee. Dean insisted it was for his own good, that he needed to sleep, but he didn’t understand it. Sam fought sleep and lost. He dreamed of the wordless  _ I love you  _ they shared before Gabriel’s wings decorated the ground once more. Sam woke up to tears streaming down his cheeks and an aching pain that wouldn’t go away. It was an empty pain.

 

 Sam dreamed.

 

 The portal opened again for those that wanted to pass back into what used to be their home. Sam went along with them and searched. It took him a day to find the body, and only a few hours to bury it. He slept on the grave between the six wings scorched into the dirt and dreamed of the sarcastic laugh he loved so much. When he woke up, it was darker than he’d ever seen it before. He pretended he didn’t want to stay forever, just to be here with Gabriel.

 

 Sam walked away.

**Author's Note:**

> You know how people call things short and sweet? I'd like to think my stuff is just short and sad. That's it, just short and sad.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed it! Please comment feedback, it helps keep me motivated and helps me know what you guys do and don't like!
> 
> Follow me on Instagram at @archangelica_angelica or on tumblr at innersanctuaries if you want to get in touch or just to watch me shitpost!


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